A Quiet and Gentle Soul

Since February 11, 2004 I have had a simple funeral home obituary pamphlet thumbtacked to the small bulletin board that sits in my office behind my computer monitor. Some folks might say it’s almost primitive in nature … typed on a quarter sheet of white paper and then copied onto other sheets, grammatical errors scattered within, a plain black and white photo on the front with date of birth and date of death, a few short paragraphs inside describing John’s life. It is obviously a homemade job … probably necessary because there were few funds available to apply toward a funeral.

John was a client at the human services agency within which I am privileged to serve. He had been employed here as a groundskeeper for at least twenty years before his death. He could always be seen outside cutting grass, trimming around our trees, pulling weeds from the landscaping, vacuuming up fallen autumn leaves, snowblowing and salting our sidewalks in the winter.

He seldom spoke unless he was spoken to. He always went about his business without complaint. When you greeted him, he hardly ever returned the greeting, choosing instead to smile shyly, turn his eyes away and nod his head. I often noted to myself that he had a perpetually serene and innocent look on his face.

I was at a conference in San Antonio when I received the call that John had quietly and unexpectedly passed away in his sleep. It was one of those messages that takes a while to sink in. Some of what the caller was telling me went largely unheard after they delivered the news because I was thinking about the last time I saw John … what he was doing … how he looked.

The last paragraph of his obituary says simply that “John was a quiet and gentle soul who always had a kind smile for all. He will surely be missed by those who loved him.” Indeed.

Perhaps it’s odd, but I sometimes think of John when I hear folks arguing over religious doctrine. It makes me wonder why there is often such intolerance for other belief systems … why people feel the need to “be right” about what they believe to the exclusion of other possibilities … why some try to take the immensity of God and reduce Him/Her to the size of their box … some even argue that if you disagree with them, you’ll end up in Hell.

In my younger years I was one of those who argued “Christian” doctrine … a “defender of the faith” … one of those who believed they belonged to the “one true church.” I look back now and wince at the times I debated with others who had different views. Fortunately, as I’ve grown older, I’ve come to think about God differently. Points of doctrine no longer concern me much. I no longer debate beliefs. I don’t feel the need to defend anything doctrinal. I’m much more interested in who a person is, where they are and where they are going in their walk.

I think the prophet Micah had it right. “He has shown you what is good; and what does the Lord require of you, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God?” (Micah 6:8). That’s really just another angle on what Jesus said … the whole of the law is this – that you love your neighbor as yourself and that you love God with all your heart. I really believe that is the lowest common denominator … that it all boils down to that.

And so, my thoughts return to John who “was a quiet and gentle soul who always had a kind smile for all” and who “will surely be missed by those who loved him.” He may or may not have been a “Christian” as the term is often applied by those within the faith. But I’m convinced that Micah was right … and that John is today in the arms of God … and that we would do well to pay attention to the lesson in his life.

Mentoring - Balance

Mentoring - Balance

Several years ago I attended a seminar on healing techniques. One of the young ladies in my class desperately wanted to learn how to manipulate energy fields and it was clear that her desire to do so was based on reasons only peripherally associated with an intent to promote healing. She was a lovable person, but her purpose in attending was misguided. Another woman had valuable experiential knowledge to contribute, but she had to be continually encouraged to speak more clearly. She spoke so softly and timidly that nobody could hear her and when she talked, she refused to make eye contact. She clearly lacked confidence. Both of these folks were out of balance.

It is definitely a challenge to maintain balance. And yet, when people are out of balance, it can be very apparent to others around them. Their intentions can be unfocused or dark. Behavior can be obsessive or compulsive. They can act irrationally or illogically. They can be painfully shy or irritatingly bold. They can crave solitude or be completely terrified of being alone. There may be signs of boredom, depression or frustration.

When I speak of balance I mean that a person is well rounded; that she pays attention to physical, mental, spiritual and emotional aspects of her life. That she weighs her needs against the needs of others. That she takes care of herself so that she is not depleted and has enough to give to the care of her total environment.

The seminar served as a reminder to me of the need to maintain balance in my life. I can easily spend too much time in intellectual or spiritual pursuits and it's very easy for me to get lost in those activities at the expense of my own balance.

For me, that means modulating my involvement in those arenas and balancing them with physical activities. I need to dig in the garden, ride a bike, mow the lawn, take a hike through the woods, play tennis or lift weights. Physical activities ground and center me.

Mentors practice balance in their personal lives and gently guide others to do the same. Each person has unique needs for balance.

Mentoring - Below the Surface

Always remember what is above the storm clouds.

Mentoring - Below the Surface

Today I recalled a spring storm that rolled through our town in late March. I heard the first faint rumblings of thunder at about 3am and got up to look westward from our front porch. The Lake Michigan shoreline is only a short distance from our house and as storms blow eastward across the 90 miles of warm water heading toward Michigan, they can gain tremendous speed and power.

The wind, rain, hail and lightning they display as they blow ashore are often spectacular. Lightning illuminates the entire shoreline for miles and even at night you can clearly see the thick, swirling, black clouds as they race inward.

Four hours later as I drove to work the storm was still dumping rain, hail and whipping winds from its heavy, dark clouds. And the thought occurred to me that just above those clouds was brilliant sunshine, with clear blue skies and sparkling sunlight dancing off a silver blanket hanging just above the surface of the earth.

This is how much of life is and, to be effective, mentors must help others to remember that. This effort goes beyond the trite "every cloud has a silver lining." It is a recognition that there are kingdoms and forces behind and beyond the third dimensional reality that we know as the physical world.

When you are in the midst of a storm with darkness enveloping you, lightning flashing, thunder shaking the ground and rain pelting your skin, it is easy to become disoriented. Your physical senses consume you. You see the darkness and the lightning, feel the sting of the rain and the slash of the wind. Like happened to Peter as he walked on the surface of the water toward Christ, your focus becomes the storm. It is very difficult to see beyond the cloud cover. Your physical senses tell you that you are in a storm and then reinforce and feed your fear which, in turn, constricts your focus.

Mentors encourage you to shift your focus. Take a deep breath. Concentrate on your breathing. Turn your attention inward. Relax your muscles. Let the sights and sounds of the storm drift away. The storm is a very small part of the greater reality. The larger reality includes the vastness that exists beyond the surface of the cloud cover. It embraces the blue skies, the warm sun and the still peacefulness that is just above the clouds.