Changing Your Mind

A few years before my mother passed away, I shared a quiet Christmas with her ... one in which we deliberately tried to scale back the pace, relax a little and savor the moments instead of rushing headlong through them on our way to December 26th. Nevertheless, we didn't escape the rigors of the season unscathed. The day after Christmas, most of our family suffered the nauseating, head pounding, ache causing, stomach churning somersaults of the flu. It was the kind that made you feel like you were going to die, but afraid you weren't. One of my cousins actually visited the local Emergency department. Most of the rest of us just wish we had.

After I'd sufficiently recovered so that I could hold a telephone, I called my mom to see how she was doing. Quite predictably, as perhaps any sane person would have, she commented how terrible the entire episode had been. And I agreed with her - which thrust us into a conversation about how bad we had felt, who won the prize for the most trips to the bathroom and how unfair it was for me to be hit with the flu right after Christmas day and during my hard-earned vacation.

Then, very unexpectedly, our conversation seemed to be put on hold. Time was somehow suspended - almost like they do in the movies when they stop the storyline and the character thinks back to a part of his childhood. And a small voice inside began to counsel me. I realized that my mom's response to the entire situation and my response to my mom's response were 1) all based on learned behavior, 2) were intangible occurrences and 3) were only our opinions of the truth. And that held some possibilities.

First, all our actions are based on learned behaviors. That means that they may or may not be appropriate responses for any given situation. What if the person we learned those behaviors/responses from learned them from someone who had difficulty handling life? In that case, we are simply passing down inappropriate response mechanisms and attitudes over the generations. Small bumps on the road of life can be made to seem mountains if we allow them. But it is possible to keep perspective.

Second, our response patterns and attitudes are completely intangible occurrences. We are not hard-wired computers that restrict our responses to certain patterns. It is true that our behaviors and attitudes tend to follow certain patterns because that's how we learned to respond. But, unlike machines who possess no capacity for innovation, we are quite capable of learning new beliefs, attitudes, responses and ways of living. Our attitudes can be changed in the twinkling of an eye if we choose. It is a matter of choice. There is nothing in our physiological make-up that prevents us from changing any of our views.

Third, most of the time the way that we view a situation is based on our opinion of the truth - not the truth itself. Given any situation, any three people will view it in a slightly different light. Where then is the truth? Frequently we view the truth as being contained in our viewpoint. But the other two people in the triangle also feel the same way. So, two important rules for sane living could be 1) learn to be more accepting of the viewpoints of others and 2) learn to see your viewpoint as your opinion, not as the unequivocal truth.

So, how could the conversation between my mom and I have turned out? "Well mom, how are you doing?" "Just fine, Jim. That flue is some nasty stuff but nothing a little rest, some fluids and family support can't take care of! Too bad you had to come down with it on your vacation." "No problem. I stayed in bed, watched a little TV and caught up on some reading."

Attitudes are intangibles. There is nothing in our make-up that says we have to have or keep a given attitude. It's our choice. We can change our minds at any given time.