Change Your Role, Change Reality

Years ago I attended a seminar on creativity of which a substantial portion was dedicated to role playing. During this section everyone in the room was required to participate in different brief skits in which they had to play several different roles. People in one group had to play Lil' Abner and Daisy Mae. In another they played both a gruff truck driver dissatisfied with his food and the waitress who had to wait on him. People in another had to play both a barber and a cheerleader. In another they played Snidley Whiplash, an innocent maiden and Dudley Dooright.

It was an interesting scenario to watch and even more interesting in terms of my own participation! At first, people were hesitant and tight. Some were clearly embarrassed. Some had a difficult time getting into the spirit of the exercise. Some were willing but had a difficult time making the transition between roles. Some had a very easy time with one role but a very troublesome experience with others. But, as the session progressed, people began loosening up and having some fun. The observers became more animated. They laughed, encouraged, hooted, cajoled and clapped. The participants found it easier to change roles in mid-stream and really began to have fun. By the end of the session the entire ambiance of the group had changed. No longer hesitant, everyone actually wished they had more time for the exercise.

The point of the exercise was this - we all play different roles in our lives. We play the roles of fathers, mothers, supervisors, confidants, parents, employees, counselors, lovers, children and innumerable others. But we often lock ourselves into a limited number of roles or find it difficult to transition between our various roles. And this limits our abilities to respond to the many different types of situations that arise in our lives.

If we try to apply the role of father to a situation at work where someone really needs us to function more as a mentor, we will likely fail. If we try to act as a confidant in a work situation where we really need to function more as a leader or supervisor, we will likely fail. We need to be able to shift into various roles as situations present themselves.

In doing so, we can actually change reality not only for ourselves but for those around us. Have you ever sat at a lunch table where someone begins making negative comments about the workplace? Pretty soon, everyone is chiming in and you find yourself in the middle of a feeding frenzy of negative thinkers. Then, if someone is bold enough to say something positive, the negative talk generally stops ... until someone else can think of something positive to say.

By breaking out of traditional roles, we change the rules of relationships and force people to act in different ways. If you're having some difficulties with someone and your interactions have been tense and strained, try something new. Make up your mind to approach them in a relaxed manner, take their hand in a warm handshake or put our hand on their shoulder and extend them a sincere hello. Ask them how things are going. Take an interest in them. You will have changed the rules of the relationship. You will have shifted the dynamics. You will have caught them off balance. You will have forced them to reevaluate their beliefs about you. You will have changed reality. Your relationship with that person will not be the same. And, perhaps as importantly, your beliefs about yourself will never be the same.

Try this with your spouse, children, the people you work with. It will require you to stretch, to think about how you want to react to people and situations. It will require some thinking, some planning and some effort. But it will reap benefits. You will find you have the power to change reality. You will find that you have stretched yourself. And when you stretch you have fun, you learn, you gain flexibility, you grow and you improve yourself.

When a rubber band is stretched just once, it never completely returns to its original size. So it is with us. even a little stretch is a growing experience. And even a little stretch will change your reality.